Evening Personalities Lampoon Trump's New 'Gold Card' Immigration Plan

Late-night's leading entertainers used the evening criticizing President Donald Trump's recently announced immigration initiative, labeled the "gold card," describing it as a blatant pay-to-play scheme for the affluent.

The Late Show's Pointed Spin

Opening his show, Stephen Colbert presented a sardonic Christmas jingle directed at the president. "He's making a list, reviewing it twice, then giving that list to the people at ICE," he sang. "The President ... spoils each thing he handles."

Colbert's target was the new plan which allows international citizens to buy U.S. legal status for the price of a million dollars, with a "platinum" tier for 5 million. A government portal pledges approval "with unprecedented speed."

"A quick thought here to affluent applicants: prior to you pony up, have you considered Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He pointed out that the scheme is also intended to "get cash" from businesses wishing to hire foreign workers, involving large fees. "That's a lot of fees, though if you register, you also get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your choosing – if it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he said.

"The most thorough background check the government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these individuals completely meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert responded. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Commentary

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"This is a card that will allow wealthy international individuals to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get official resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one serious crime of your choosing."

"Perhaps it's time to update that message on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your huddled masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel mocked the simplicity of the application, observing it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Exactly, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "That's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Economic Struggles

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's declining approval numbers amid financial concerns. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term because they were angry about the economy," he noted.

Recently, in a attempt to address cost of living, Trump held a press conference in front of a array of grocery items, and behaved strangely to boxes of cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a while."

"He's so incredibly weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by targeting right-leaning media defenses of Trump's financial performance. "Perhaps instead of complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to what FIFA did," he joked.