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I seek out insights from people regarding managing midlife challenges, such as deep inner questions, waning significance, developing a neck akin to a surrealist painting along with a recent enthusiasm for A Place in the Sun. Recently, I discovered the chef’s comments on turning 50 via a discussion: “Trimming unnecessary clutter is key to enjoying your later years,” he noted. “Just be with lovely people. I’m avoiding negative people – ‘mood hoovers’ – and getting better at saying no.”

My first thought was: isn’t this contradictory between “avoiding negative people” and “getting better at saying no”? Might that suggest he must escape his own nature? I realize – that’s typical energy vampire talk, and I admit I fit the description. However, among our group, we favor the term “energy drainer”. Refrain from using “downer” or “spoil-sport” – these comparisons to everyday gear are insulting; we possess sentiments (though often pessimistic). If forced, I’d agree to “gloomy soft cover”.

Perhaps you’re one too. Are you often the gathering’s pragmatist instead of its enthusiast? When you give an exhaustive answer to “How are you?”, does the other person slowly retreat? Do proposed “enjoyable” plans trigger a visage akin to having ingested something unpleasant? Do you strongly identify with Eeyore; has a psychic ever told you your aura is grey?

If so, you’re one of us, but it’s OK. Even as popular advice encourages cutting ties with “exhausting” pals, I believe we provide genuine benefits. I reckon a mood hoover would have said something discouraging – or at least made a slug-swallowing face – when Jamie described his plan to write a kids’ book with an Australian First Nation main character without consulting Indigenous communities, which could have prevented a whole lot of problems, upset and offence. Such critical insights aren’t typical from “positive” friends.